To start with the positive, I'm coping with this whole non-weight-baring, sedentary, uncomfortable post-surgery transition phase better than I thought I would. All of the fears I had about this process (e.g. conflict with family, gaining 30 lbs, becoming ridiculously depressed from lack of endorphins) haven't actualized themselves. And, that's a Good Thing.
Still, there are some days when I feel completely overwhelmed. Today was one such day. I know I need to "have faith in the process", but sometimes that is so hard
It is exactly 6 weeks since my surgery, and I was supposed to start walking without crutches (but still in a boot). So, I tried this, and it was painful. The pain was not terrible, but it was enough to scare me. I guess the main thing that scared me was that the pain was in the location of my osteochondral lesion; also, it felt like the same type of pain I experienced before surgery: this ache deep within the joint. So, by the end of the day I was back to walking on crutches.
My plan has been to return to work on December 30 (one week from today) but now I just don't know. I need to get back to work. For one thing, I have exhausted my sick time. But, my main priority right now is to do whatever it takes to give this injury time to heal fully.
People in my network (friends, co-workers, family) have been great about reaching out. But, sometimes when I'm in a negative mental state that overwhelms me. People ask 'how are you doing?' and I don't know what to say.
I really want to project a positive, optimistic persona AT ALL TIMES. But, there are days when it is hard to do that. I don't want to allow people to see me as vulnerable, negative, fatalistic (even though a part of me is that way).
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