Why me?

When I was told I might never run again, I really wished to be euthanized at that moment.  When I got over that feeling I got angry, mostly at God for taking away my greatest joy in life. 

Why Me? I asked.

Through months of anger, loneliness, and despair, I found some spiritual part of me that was long buried.   Meanwhile,  I found a possible (no guarantees) solution to the physical ailment - a complex ankle injury.   I decided on surgery, scheduled it, and tried to put my faith in the process (something which I generally suck at.).

The support I have had surrounding this surgery has been UN-REAL.

-My parents have been phenomenal, in letting me stay with them and providing for me for these weeks while I am on crutches (including transportation to and from Baltimore, MD).
-So far about 20 people have texted to ask how I'm doing; a handful of others have contacted me via facebook; others have called me;
-one friend visited me here in Charlotte and took me out to dinner
- two of my good friends gave me a care package; another friend sent me a card; and my co-workers in the counseling department all sent me a great funny card and some chocolate wrappers with funny sayings in them. 
-Friends who are religious have offered prayers; one neighbor even prayed with me (which caught me totally off guard but was a very kind gesture); those less religious have offered good vibes.
-One of the women I work with offered to help me with errands and rides when I return to Asheville and gave me her phone number. 
-Right before I left, one of the psychiatrists I work with took one of my drawings from me in order to return it with a better frame.  I did not ask for that.
-Not to mention all of the random strangers that hold doors for me, pull out chairs for me, carry my things and otherwise try to help out.

I did not ask for any of this.

And, it's catching me totally off guard.  The part of me that would normally be asking,  'what's your angle here?' is instead overwhelmed with gratitude.  I feel truly blessed by all this, and I can't help but ask the question:

Why Me?

Synchronicity

In my final few days of work, pre-surgery, my co-worker, and I were chatting, and we drew angel cards from a basket.  She drew 'Patience', and I drew 'Journey.'

That same night I was driving somewhere and got lost off of a main road that I'd driven down 100 times.  When I did find myself I was in the Goodwill parking lot.  So, of course I went in to see what kind of deals I might find. 

It was crowded in the Goodwill, and a lady tapped me on the shoulder.
"Excuse me," she said, "do you know if the big dressing room is open?"

"No, it's not," I said, "but the smaller one is."

"Oh," she said, "unfortunately I can only use the bigger one because of my back problems and my spinal surgery."

"Oh, man, " I said, "I'm sorry about your back."

"I'm not sorry," she said, "It's actually a blessing.  If this hadn't happened to me I would have never found my true calling as an artist.  I started making jewelry while I was laid up in bed after surgery because it was one of the few things I could do.  It turns out that this is what I was meant to do all along."

She shared a sample of some beautiful jewelry she had made and her business card.  I shared with her that I was about to undergo ankle surgery and hoped to get back into art.  We exchanged hugs, and then I left the Goodwill without buying anything, knowing I had gotten exactly what I needed.